I was excited to hear we were going to get snow, the kind you can play in. I thought I prepared for the ice and fluffy white stuff, but I had no idea it was going to be like this. I was fine with the fact we would all be snowed in together and even at the possibilty of losing power. I bought water, candles, and made sure we had food to eat in a power outage. I was ready, not really!
On Tuesday morning I had to see Dr. Matt. I was supposed to see him Thursday, but due to the impending weather, we decided to do it Tuesday. He has been helping me with some health issues. For the past 3-4 months I have not been well and I do not feel the conventional doctors can help me. Dr. Matt did a thermography scan on me and the red was exactly in the areas I am having issues, so I feel he is the one to help me on my journey to good health. He makes sense to me and shares the same beliefs I do on healing. Treat the whole body, not just the symptom. As I was driving to his office a small flurry of snow began, and by the time I was in the office with him it was snowing heavily outside of his window. It was beautiful! On my drive home the roads were only wet and the whole day Tuesday was just enjoyable. I managed to grab a few more last minute items at the store.
Wednesday morning came and it started to snow just as everyone was getting out of bed. This time it was sticking to the roads. Of course, my teenager wanted a Subway sandwich and we told her if she wanted one she had better go now before it gets bad. I decided to ride with her in case she needed coaching on driving in the icy stuff. The roads were a nightmare already and we almost turned around and came back home. I told the girls at Subway they needed to close and get home. On the way back there were already 2 cars in the ditch, one with kids in the back. I wish I could have stopped to help them but then we would have been stranded right there with them. We got home safely and everyone enjoyed a sandwich.
We watched as the snow fell and the kids were ready to get out and enjoy it. We all found our best winter clothes and used storage bin lids to sled down the hill. I even slid a few times and felt like a little kid again. This was the best part of the winter storm. I had no idea it was about to go downhill.
I took Rozie (our black german shepherd puppy) outside to wee wee and she played in the snow just like a puppy should. She was full of energy bounching in and out of the deep snow and chasing the parts that would fly into the air as her big paws scattered it everywhere. She had just eaten before she went out as well as got a treat from the mail lady. It was not long after her fun that she began vomiting. She lost all of her food and then some. My husband has been ill with stomach issues for well over a week (not like him at all) so we thought maybe the puppy had a stomach flu. We were hoping she would get up Thursday and be back to her energetic puppy self, but no luck. She would not eat, bark at the cats, play, or anything a puppy should do. We called the emergency vet, because even the normal vet was closed due to inclement weather. We told them her symptoms and they said to get her there asap. We tried and just could not get out of the neighorhood. I felt so helpless. I had a sick husband and a very sick puppy. I tried everything and nothing has helped her. She is sitting there looking at me with her sad puppy eyes as I write this.
My husband is trying to shovel the car out so we can get her help. As of now, he should be able to get out by noon. The vet is opening at noon as well due to staff not being able to get there and Rozie has the first appointment they have. I just hope we did not lose too much time.
To add to all of it, our heater stopped working in the middle of the night, my 4 year old became ill and the washer did not want to work this morning. We got the washer going, but still no heat. We are hoping to get the puppy to the vet, then we can work on the heater. With all that has gone wrong I had to keep repeating, “this too shall pass.” If not, I fear I would break down into a million pieces and shatter.
On a good note, my small business is trying to grow, but I fear to take it to the next stage would cost a bit so I would have to look into crowdfunding or some other investor type. I have had some small shops interested in my products so I am working on that. I have applied for other jobs to help with everything and just cannot seem to find one. I went through an extensive interview process for one promising company only to find out I did not get the job this week. I cried for about 15 minutes and went through my self-blame issues. I realized the job must not have been the right path and would have taken me away from what I am supposed to be doing. No matter what I do, my husband and children are my main focus.
My husband seems depressed, probably feels the same shame I do. He worked for a company for over 20 years only to be discarded like trash. He has work experience, but no degree. He is hands down the best daddy, much like my grandfather was. But I can tell he is not himself lately. I believe when his father died he became depressed and does not know how to deal with his issues. He numbs out with video games the same way an alcoholic would use acohol and the way I used food. I could easily see him as a lazy gamer who does not care, but I know him so much deeper than that and I will never leave his side. It is hard seeing him trying to put his life back together at 46. He spends endless hours trying to find a new career and support his family. Men feel less than what they are when they cannot provide. He loves us unconditionally and that is what matters to me. I will support him through whatever he is going through the same way he has supported me through my entrepreneur efforts. We both know building a good business takes time, and it seems time is not on our side. I am determined to make it work. I will be the holistic healer and personal trainer I set out to be. I will help so many women one day. Dr. Matt sees it in me and is helping me to get there. There will be no fad dieting, self-shame…only wholesome eating and nurturing your soul through mind, body, and spiritual fitness.
I needed to come here and write and get my stress out. I need to believe the bad will pass and the good will shine through. I need my husband, children, and puppy in good health first. They are my everything.